How was your Valentine’s Day? Mine was sweet this year—I had some treats ready for my kids when they woke up and we kept it simple, my husband and I. A simple note, a candle on the table at dinner. A nod to the special amid the ordinary.
Amid all the jewelry commercials and the onslaught of chocolate displays this year, my mind wandered to my friend who endured a heartbreaking end to a relationship that she thought was her forever person.
I also held a moment of reflection for my client who lost her mother this year.
And I thought about my friend in her early thirties who is experiencing the pang of loneliness as she yearns to find her life partner.
Like many holidays, what has the potential to be a very sweet day can also come packed with lots of weighted emotions.
So, I want to talk to you about one of the most important relationships in your life, and one that is especially important to evaluate on days like Valentine’s Day — your relationship with yourself.
You see, the key to healthy, loving relationships with anyone in your life, from your romantic relationships to your friendships to your family relationships, is a healthy, loving relationship with yourself.
With secure self-love comes the ability to love others without strings attached, or the constant need for validation of our self-worth. Secure self-love means that we don’t get our sense of being "enough" from another person.
Brene Brown speaks powerfully about this in her book, Braving The Wilderness. She describes the power of what she calls “True Belonging.”
Essentially, true belonging is when we belong fully and completely to ourselves before any other person.
Only when we belong fully to ourselves can we experience true belonging with another person or group, whether that’s a friend group, a family, or a relationship.
It’s an important truth to meditate on! And to begin to practice intentionally if you haven’t before.
You see, your level of belonging can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance.
Read that again. What an important truth to internalize, and one that can take a lifetime to get right.
This year, in the month of love and beyond, make it your mission to fall in love with yourself above all else. Every version of you, past, present, and future.
Accept your strengths, your weaknesses, and your dreams. Love yourself the way you would love another! And in doing so, you’ll find the kind of true belonging that makes you strong enough to stand alone in “the wilderness” of life when it inevitably comes.
Here’s a journal prompt to reflect on: In what areas of your life are you seeking belonging or validation from others — and what would it look like to offer that to yourself first?
With love,
Jen