Were you taught to make yourself small as a child?
The idea that children should be seen and not heard, that they should keep quiet unless spoken to permeated society when we were kids.
So now, as adults, some of us still think this way. We make ourselves smaller.
By ‘smaller’ I mean quieter, less demanding and easier, shrinking so others felt comfortable, to apologize for your presence, and not asking for your needs to be met so you don’t ‘rock the boat.’
This is not how it should be, we must learn to take up space as an adult.
This might look like:
- Speaking up in meetings without apologizing first
- Setting boundaries without over-explaining
- Pursuing what you want without permission
- Saying no without guilt
- Existing without making yourself palatable
An important truth is that you are told to be small because your bigness threatens systems built on your smallness. Your voice disrupts spaces that benefit from your silence. Your boundaries challenge people who profited from you having none.
Taking up space can feel really uncomfortable because you've been rewarded for shrinking your whole life. People will be upset when you stop making yourself small. it can often feel selfish when you've been taught that selflessness is virtue. Your nervous system thinks visibility equals danger.
If there’s anything that sticks with you this year, let it be this: you don’t need permission to take up space – just start taking it.
The world needs your bigness, your voice, and your refusal to shrink.
"Taking up space" sounds empowering.... but what does it actually look like in your real life?
What does it actually mean to ‘take up space’?
Taking up space doesn't mean being loud or aggressive.
It means existing fully without apologizing for it, believing you belong in rooms you weren't invited to, and trusting your expertise without credentials to prove it.
It may look like speaking without prefacing everything with "I might be wrong, but..."
Taking up space looks like:
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Not shrinking your opinions to make someone else comfortable
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Celebrating your wins and accomplishments
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Asking for what you need or want without having to over-explaining why
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Setting boundaries without a 10-minute apology first
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Taking the compliment instead of deflecting it
If taking up space is a good thing, why does it feel so scary?
You were taught that taking up space = being selfish, attention-seeking, "too much."
That ‘good girls’ act small, are quiet, and are easy or without conflict. We essentially ‘light ourselves on fire to keep others warm.’
That love requires making yourself digestible and often feels like your worth is determined by how little you inconvenience others (it’s not!!).
So when you start taking up space, your nervous system panics:
"People will think I'm arrogant."
"I'm going to be rejected."
"I'm being selfish."
"Who do I think I am?"
This is the conditioning we learned as children talking & not the actual truth.
Taking up space isn't selfish – it's reclaiming what was always yours.